Conflict and Love

Can I love others if a high value in my life is to avoid conflict? Does the fear of rejection dictate my relationships even when silence hurts the other? Can I truly fear God when my relationships are driven by a need for acceptance? I have decided I cannot truly love others unless I can enter into potential conflict with a kind and gentle spirit.

Ouch! I know it is an uncomfortable area to think about. God has been working to change me in this area. I really prefer that there never be conflict. Only God’s conviction that to refuse conflict is to passively hate another person, convinced me to consider opening my life to something different.

It took a lot of time to change my heart, attitude and approach to conflict. I still have a lifetime of work but slowly God is helping me see the possibilities of “speaking the truth in love.”

The work permit and one-year visa process mentioned in yesterday’s post provides a safe, positive example to share with you. There is one lady from whom I must secure a document every year. She has been mean, rude, obnoxious and demeaning for two years. This year, God (I think it was God though I may just be getting hard-hearted) convicted me to kindly and truthfully address her attitude toward me.

I stopped the meeting as soon as it went south, and asked her why she was so rude and mean to me. I expressed concern for her life and soul. People who treat others like that are usually having serious problems themselves, whether they admit it or not. I let her know I was prepared to not receive the needed document and to be kicked out of the country if reception of the document meant having to be abused by her. I also let her know that the abuse would result in a formal complaint to her boss. God helped me keep a calm voice and gentle spirit through the whole ordeal.

Previously, I would have put up with the abuse to achieve the goal of the document. Another way of stating this is that I would have enabled her abusive behavior because I valued the document more than my hurt feelings. God has helped me to see that at the end of the day I valued the document more than the lady. It became more an issue of whether or not I could love this person enough to enter into an uncomfortable discussion in order to help her move closer to a life based in truth.

Was it worth it? Yes! Not because this woman had any remarkable transition but because God taught me how to love others a little bit more. I shared with her how she made me feel, how it hurt me and others, how it kept her from doing her job, and, most importantly, how only through a right relationship with God could she change and treat others with kindness and respect. She gave me the document in silence and shock; possibly she thought the foreigner in her office had the worst Croatian she had ever listened to and was really weird. But possibly, she took one step nearer to God’s love.

Pray that we can have wisdom as we try to represent the one who is the Way, the Truth and the Life. We love it here. We are thankful to you for your support and love. Tomorrow, a little more on conflict and love.